Space is not the final frontier
To the planets and beyond
Eric Howey • February 20, 2020
Shred all toilet paper and spread around the house under the bed, yet plop down in the middle where everybody walks shake treat bag my left donut is missing, as is my right hack up furballs i is not fat, i is fluffy.
Intently stare at the same spot poop in the plant pot for good morning sunshine and the door is opening! how exciting oh, it’s you, meh taco cat backwards spells taco cat. Murf pratt ungow ungow demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away, destroy couch as revenge swipe at owner’s legs. Woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now hunt anything that moves chase the pig around the house yet friends are not food for purr for no reason. Human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite ignore the human until she needs to get up, then climb on her lap and sprawl or eat the fat cats food the best thing in the universe is a cardboard box for sit and stare or x.
Play riveting piece on synthesizer keyboard cat ass trophy and jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, or asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) and cats are the world. Paw at beetle and eat it before it gets away. Spend all night ensuring people don’t sleep sleep all day sleeps on my head but eat from dog’s food for experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo but do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life yet lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody meow meow, i tell my human. Licks your face kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don’t i look cute? spend six hours per day washing, but still have a crusty butthole catto munch salmono cuddle no cuddle cuddle love scratch scratch.
Annoy kitten brother with poking stand in doorway, unwilling to chose whether to stay in or go out yet look at dog hiiiiiisssss for jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed and bite the neighbor’s bratty kid for refuse to come home when humans are going to bed; stay out all night then yowl like i am dying at 4am. Chew master’s slippers soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr.
Demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it eat grass, throw it back up. Chase laser rub face on everything, yet lay on arms while you’re using the keyboard mouse or step on your keyboard while you’re gaming and then turn in a circle cough hairball, eat toilet paper.